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nishlo:

stunningpicture:

In 2001, my parents bet me that if I did not drink, smoke, or do drugs by 21, they would give me $1500. Here I am on my 21st birthday holding the contract I signed when I was 8.

damn i can lie to my parents too but i aint make 1500 bucks for it

dampsandwich:

hold on let me quote the bible so i can win this argument

(via automatically)

scottish:

when u say something and it comes out meaner than u intended
image

(via unescapable)

godotal:

omgbuglen:

How to use sand to freak people out

Imagine if some guy was tripping and saw the woman, runs up to help her and she just crumbles apart in his hands. That’s gonna take the trip south.

bettycrockerdile:

i had a pun about insanity but then i lost it

(Source: illuminationiichan, via ant0rm)

beesmygod:

what a weird piano
It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt. -Tom Gates   (via gothics)

(Source: hellanne, via urquels-ttq)

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

your first…?

(Source: penceyprepofficial, via urquels-ttq)

2wentysixletters:

I’M GONNA BE OKAY I’VE GOT PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME EVEN WHEN I DON’T REALLY DESERVE IT I’VE GOT THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO AND PEOPLE TO LOVE AND DOGS TO PET AND RAIN TO LISTEN TO AND I’M GONNA BE OKAY WE’RE GONNA BE OKAY 

(via violaprincesa)

phoenix-falls:


malformalady:

Wisconsin snow storm versus flooding in Ireland

Ireland isn’t fucking around with the sealing capabilities of their doors

jesliey:

homosaurus-rex:

homosaurus-rex:

It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.

can we talk about how this is still getting notes

The funny thing is that i can not actually come up with a counter argument for this.

(via watch-the-stars-withme)